A work in progress

What a semester....what a year. Over the last week, I've been thinking about the Hiemlich maneuver quite a bit. Strange, I know, but let me try to explain. During the cold winter months in Prague, many moons ago, I had lunch duty at school. One of our 7th grade students was choking on a piece of pasta. It terrified me - her lips were turning blue and you could see the fear in her eyes. Selfishly, I hope she didn't see the fear in mine when I turned her around, hoped my fist was in the correct spot, and started the Hiemlich. It worked. She took a few minutes to recover and finish her lunch, then went out to play with her friends. I, on the other hand, took a little longer to recover. The scene has been playing over in my head ever since a read a passage in Hebrews. In Chapter 5, the author paints an unfortunate picture: Believers who should be mature enough to eat solid food, but can't move past the infant milk phase. That's me. The reason I know it's me is because, ...

I was tempted to wait until November 2nd to write something new. Not that I have much of anything to contribute today. 30 was great - completed 8 years of teaching, set foot on a new continent, connected with some great old friends and some great new friends, completed my second half marathon, used a belt sander for the first time. I must admit that I enjoy getting older. Life certainly doesn't get easier, but it's richer, more purposeful, more meaningful. As I learn to rest in my Savior and trust the leading of the Holy Spirit, I enjoy each day - good, bad, and ugly. He is faithful to complete the work He started and I'm grateful for the journey. Teaching year #9 begins on Monday and I'm excited, praying I make a difference. And after a week of saying I'm 31, I'm hopeful that this year's journey will be a great one with the Lord.

It's been a rough couple of weeks. This time of year is always a struggle. I know that it doesn't have to be. I mean, I know truth. I know that there is life, hope, and rest in my Savior. When I fix my eyes on Jesus, I stop stressing over the details and allow Him to carry me through the big picture. And yet, in October, I often find myself drowning in the details, frantically trying to keep my head above water, oblivious to the life raft right next to me. This weekend was the breaking point.....in a good way. I took Friday off so that I could meet my parents in San Antonio and continue driving to McAllen in order to visit some family and friends. I referred to it as my "mental health" day, but it really ended up being a spiritual health retreat. Friday night, I went to a Casting Crowns concert and was flooded with truth about God's mercy, love, forgiveness, faithfulness, sovereignty, holiness, and love. So often, the routine of every day puts me into auto pilot...

I haven't been much for "journaling" lately. There was a time where I actually preferred to write out what was going on in my head. I do understand that verbalizing the jumbled mess that is occurring in my brain provides an avenue for "working it out". But, alas.....I've been living with the jumbled mess for a while now. There have been a couple thoughts that stand out though. #1. Sometimes, I'm actually afraid to feel. I know that sounds funny, but when life is stressful, and very little goes as well as you intended, it's easier to go numb then to sort through the feelings of disappointment and failure, or feelings of excitement in the day to day victories. #2. Somehow, my practical, black-and-white brain needs to wrap my mind and heart around the fact that true, great, and abundant life can only be experienced when I'm living in tune with my Heavenly Father. Like the Israelites, I often forget His faithfulness and seek to further my own kingdom...

I was struck by an interesting thought the other day – for a self-proclaimed indecisive person, my mind is constantly deciding and doing. I tried to describe it to my roommate…… Bell rings at 8:55. Students are in the hallways and filing into their classrooms, plenty of talking, yelling, and even running. For once, the movies actually get it right. A “warm-up” activity is on the screen when the students walk in. Bell rings at 9:00. Class starts. I ask students to put their homework on the desk so I can check for completion. As I walk the aisles, checking that they did the assigned problems, three students walk in late. One student has an absence slip that I’m supposed to sign and asks about what they missed yesterday. I remind them to check the absence folder by the calendar and to also check the syllabus that I passed out that includes all the assignments for this grading period. One of the tardy students follows me around the classroom until I check their homework. I ask them to have...

I tend to look at years or seasons of my life based on the lessons I'm striving to grasp. In Prague, I realized the beauty in the process of becoming like Christ. Convicted of always appreciating the journey after the end result was achieved, I knew I needed to work on finding the blessing and intimacy of Christ in the midst of fear, loneliness, or any other emotion that I usually tried to get rid of quickly. In Indiana, I realized that location and circumstance does not change my purpose and home is wherever the Lord wants you, not where you know the most people. Recently, I've started circling in on my Dallas life lesson....and it all started with a little Christmas tree. My mom is a clever and creative woman. In high school, she got each of us girls a tiny Christmas tree and fashioned ornaments out of our childhood trinkets, medals, and mementos. As I was putting them on the tree this year, I started to laugh. I couldn't remember what some of them were for or what I did ...

While this weekend may appear to be pretty average and uninspired, a series of events have inspired me on a couple of levels. On Friday, I went to the doctor for the first time in years. Since I live with 2 nurse practitioners, I knew this was inevitable. It was a routine physical, nothing out of the ordinary, but it brought to the forefront of my mind that the decisions I make concerning food and exercise are generally erratic and extreme. I just so happen to be in a cycle of inactivity. This is a continual struggle for me - yet balance is the name of the game. Just because time is an issue, I am not at liberty to throw in the towel on my health. Balance. After the doctor's appointment, I drove down to San Antonio to visit my parents. They are both doing well. Dad's doing great - his 6 week check up is Thursday. He's stopped one of his medications and has lost 20 pounds. Everything is healing very well. Yesterday, I took them to the San Antonio Zoo. It was something pretty...