A work in progress

It's been a rough couple of weeks. This time of year is always a struggle. I know that it doesn't have to be. I mean, I know truth. I know that there is life, hope, and rest in my Savior. When I fix my eyes on Jesus, I stop stressing over the details and allow Him to carry me through the big picture. And yet, in October, I often find myself drowning in the details, frantically trying to keep my head above water, oblivious to the life raft right next to me. This weekend was the breaking point.....in a good way. I took Friday off so that I could meet my parents in San Antonio and continue driving to McAllen in order to visit some family and friends. I referred to it as my "mental health" day, but it really ended up being a spiritual health retreat. Friday night, I went to a Casting Crowns concert and was flooded with truth about God's mercy, love, forgiveness, faithfulness, sovereignty, holiness, and love. So often, the routine of every day puts me into auto pilot...

I haven't been much for "journaling" lately. There was a time where I actually preferred to write out what was going on in my head. I do understand that verbalizing the jumbled mess that is occurring in my brain provides an avenue for "working it out". But, alas.....I've been living with the jumbled mess for a while now. There have been a couple thoughts that stand out though. #1. Sometimes, I'm actually afraid to feel. I know that sounds funny, but when life is stressful, and very little goes as well as you intended, it's easier to go numb then to sort through the feelings of disappointment and failure, or feelings of excitement in the day to day victories. #2. Somehow, my practical, black-and-white brain needs to wrap my mind and heart around the fact that true, great, and abundant life can only be experienced when I'm living in tune with my Heavenly Father. Like the Israelites, I often forget His faithfulness and seek to further my own kingdom...

I was struck by an interesting thought the other day – for a self-proclaimed indecisive person, my mind is constantly deciding and doing. I tried to describe it to my roommate…… Bell rings at 8:55. Students are in the hallways and filing into their classrooms, plenty of talking, yelling, and even running. For once, the movies actually get it right. A “warm-up” activity is on the screen when the students walk in. Bell rings at 9:00. Class starts. I ask students to put their homework on the desk so I can check for completion. As I walk the aisles, checking that they did the assigned problems, three students walk in late. One student has an absence slip that I’m supposed to sign and asks about what they missed yesterday. I remind them to check the absence folder by the calendar and to also check the syllabus that I passed out that includes all the assignments for this grading period. One of the tardy students follows me around the classroom until I check their homework. I ask them to have...